Hi everyone, I've been away too long! It's been a stressful week. I was studying for 3 finals, researching diseases and presenting power points. I did not think this week was ever going to end! Sadly, I did not make the Dean's list, but I'm am graduating with honors! WHOO HOO!
Warning: This post is kinda sad, but it's a little of my history.
Today's Self Reflection is about forgivenes. If you followed me over at Funky Frenchies you know my mom was a victim survivor of domestic violence. I say survivor because my mom was and is not not any one's victim! Anyway, I didn't tell you all the details. So, today I'm going to briefly explain. When I was 2 weeks old my biological father shot my mom in the head. My mom had to undergo a lot of physical therapy and was in a hospital an hour and half away from the hospital I was in (I had pneumonia.) I had to live in the hospital for almost a year because my grandmother didn't have anyone to provide me with child care. I've said before, I don't think today that would be allowed. I mean, come on to have a normal healthy baby live in the hospital for that long, not gonna happen. If it were today I probably would've been sent to foster care. Thank you Jesus for allowing me to born in old school 1972! So, I didn't meet my father until I was 12. I mean I've always known his name, but not who he was. Just goes to show that children hear much more than we think. Anyway, back to forgiveness. I was watching Oprah's Master Class one night and Iyanla Vanzant was on talking about by honoring our parents, we honor God. I was like, well I certainly honor my mother and she's also my dad, but my biological father, that's a different story. I always felt that because of him I was every one's source of gossip. "There's Minnie, isn't that so and so's daughter?" All eye's on me and not in a positive way either. Just someone to gossip about. I thought I'd put all that behind me. I forgave him for all the things he did. I've meet some of his relatives and even like them. I even have a half sister whom I love very much. But, is that enough? Am I truly honoring the fact that he's the wordly father God chose for me? Honestly, I'd have to say no. But, in that moment I chose to honor him as the father my Heavenly Father chose for me. I thought once I did, it would be enough. But no, that's not the case. I was put to the test at Cinco de Mayo party. I always wondered what I would do if someone asked me about him. Well, a lady asked me if my mother was 'Margaret.' I knew what she getting at, but all I said no. Then she outright asked me if my father was 'so and so.' I politely told her yes, but Margaret was not my mother, that my mother is Teresa. Truth be told, no one knows me well enough to ask me such a personal question. A relative by marriage (my father's side) was there and decided to gossip. It brought back a lot of old feelings. I was tempted to tell her something else, but chose to keep my thoughts to myself.
At that moment, I knew that I truly did forgive and honor him.